Couldn't resist folks - a wee bit of humour to start the day ;)

A "new-age" crofter in the Highlands buys several sheep at the local sheep market hoping to breed them for wool. After several weeks (and despite the attention of a good ram) he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant and he phones a more experienced crofter for help. His neighbour tells him that he should try artificial insemination.

Our newbie crofter, being a simple fellow, hasn't the remotest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks his neighbour how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The neighbour tells him that they will stop standing around and instead will lie down and wallow in the grass when they are pregnant. The man hangs up and gives it some thought.

As I said he’s a simple sort of fellow and he concludes that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep himself.

So he loads the sheep into his Land Rover and drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back, and goes to bed.

Next morning he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around he deduces that the first try didn't take. So he loads them in the Land Rover again and drives them out to the woods. He has a go at each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back, and goes to bed exhausted.

The following morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing around.
"Damn it all I’ll have to try again" he tells himself. So he loads them up and drives them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the sheep and upon returning home, falls knackered into bed.

The next morning he’s so tired he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look out of the window. So he asks his wife to look and tell him if the sheep are lying in the grass.

"No," she says, "they're all in the Land Rover, and one of them is beeping the horn."

:D :D

How about a Christmas joke as its nearly with us !!

Santa goes to see his doctor because he has a minced pie stuck up his butt ..the doctor examines him and said no problem I can give you some cream for that ..boom boom ;D

What's the difference between an insurance salesman and a bucket of shit?

One's totally full of shit, the other's a bucket.

[size=60pt]Moan [/size]

what is green, wobley and flies?

yeah that makes no sense to me? ???

LOL at you two :applause

I think I've got that bird flu























I can't stop talking bollocks, I keep buying shoes, and I forgot how to parallel park

:geddout *takes cover*